an open letter
Being an emo, I know, is natural. But I despise it. It brings too much drama in life that makes it no longer believable. But now I have come to realize that having an “emo time” is healthy. I need it badly, I wanted to poke my eyes so tears may drop, a single drop can maybe cause some of my emotional burdens to lighten, maybe.
I’m a person who never expresses feelings well, if ever I do, I do it with violence. I hit a person when I want to say “I care”, I pull their hair to say “You look fab today”, I pinch to say “I love you”. I’m not into mushy stuff, I loathe it, for me (again, for me) cheesiness, well more than normal of cheesiness, is not truthful, not believable.
“Happily ever after” does not exist, or maybe it does, but not to me. Excuse me for not being clear as to what I really want to blog or to say. Is it my emo-ness, bitterness, or just my plain heartache that I don’t know how to express?
Open letter….
To you,
I have loved you whole-heartedly, I gave you everything my heart can offer, and maybe more than what is necessary, more than what is reasonably acceptable. In many separate instances that I gave you up, one cold sorry is all I needed, to swallow my pride back. Now, I have this feeling that I can not understand. I’m trying to command my eyes to cry, my lips to scream, and my hands to fight. But now, the feeling is not anything alike, I just want to sit and think and (hopefully) cry. To at least ease, this feeling, the feeling that I couldn’t fathom, maybe no one could. Maybe I had enough tears cried, screams heard, and fights won. Now the non-identifiable thing part of me says enough, my heart argues and so is my brain.
Anytime, I may explode, due to my internal organs not working together. Taking different sides they do. That’s maybe the reason I am unaware of this feeling.
I gave you my all, my world, and me as a whole. I did those not expecting anything in return, or maybe I did but I shouldn’t. I could not ask you to return anything, not even half or a fraction of what I gave, it’s not tangible anyway. I’m sorry if all these were not enough, i already offered more than i should. I will understand if you try to find it somewhere or to someone who can present you what you need, what you want, that i lack of.
I will miss you if I decided to fully get rid of everything that we have. IF.
ayreen
P.S.
Like the line in the movie Kill Bill goes “Revenge is a dish that is best served cold”. I will get there my darling. You may not have returned any but surely I will take it all back plus interests.
=(