nagalsabalutan

sorry

hugs

kisses

foregiveness…

My mood was entirely different when I posted my last blog entry. Time really does change things slowly, unnoticeably; until you view the two time frames at the same time then you will realize how enormous things have changed.

Losing something you valued for quite some time is not easy to neither forget nor ignore. Especially when your whole life revolved around it, keeping your eyes closed to see anything else that is not part of it. How painful it is to lose it all in two minutes, throwing every smile, laughter, and memory that I felt, saw, and treasured.

The feeling may not be mutual, leaving you feeling everything opposite of what I am suffering. It doesn’t matter. Love is something that I give expecting nothing in return. I loved loving you and that was enough to keep me high for more than two years. That feeling alone that you gave me is more than enough to compensate of all the hurting I am feeling right now.

If I die today and choose how I will relive my life. I’d relive the days I had with you, happy or not…and change everything else.

You are loved. Hoping that you will remember that once in your lifetime someone loved you more than herself, finally realizing she is not hard-hearted, she was just waiting for the person worth of the heart melt.

]]> http://ayreenelque.wordpress.com/2009/06/22/hard-heart-melts/feed/ 3 ayreen elque http://ayreenelque.wordpress.com/2009/02/15/my-balemtimes/ http://ayreenelque.wordpress.com/2009/02/15/my-balemtimes/#comments Sun, 15 Feb 2009 10:50:49 +0000 ayreen elque http://ayreenelque.wordpress.com/?p=96 ]]>

masaya naman ang valentines day ko, inasahan ko na magiging normal lang ang araw na ito dahil wala naman akong pinlano. nakalimutan ko nga na araw ng pagmamahalan kaya nagulat nalang ako ng pag gising ko, batiin ako ng halik ng taong mahal ko. awww! may ganon. gumaganon pako. panis na laway lang. natawa nalang ako dahil tunay talaga as in na nawala sa isip ko na valentines pala. napagod kase ako kagabi. (madumi ang isip mo) nagshopping kse kame, kaya napagod…whoohoo! super sale. pero ang totoo nyan, napagod talaga ako kagabi. basta. pumasok na cya sa trabaho, naiwan ako sa bahay kasama ang mga makukulit na kapatid at pinsan, kaya naglinis nalang ako ng kwarto at naligo. sakto pagtapos ko, nadatnan ko ang mahal ko sa bagong linis kong silid. (dumumi nanaman ang isip mo) may dala dala cyang isang rosas, pulang rosas na dali-dali kong isinabit para matuyo ng buong buo. kasama ng rosas ay isang kahong naka-balot…ayyy! digital frame. ang bagay na iniisip kong magkaroon ilang araw bago ang araw na ito. ang tamis lang. kinali-kalikot ko muna ito at nagbihis na ako. kumain kame sa labas ng tanghalian, sa turo turo, isang pinoy resto, “dalawang lechon silog po” nguya habang nanonood na “tik-tik-man mo ang kamo ang kamo” palabas ni pacyaw at ung basketbolista na bagets, basta sila un. un ang balentayms date namin. bwaahahah. umuwi kami sa bahay at bilang pasasalamat, kinuskos ang nakaririmarim nyang kuko. habang naghihilik cya. pagising nya para muling pumasok, ako naman ang natulog.

zzzzzz….zzzz.. nananaginip lang ako ng biglang may parang nagwawala sa labas ng pinto ko. kapatid ko pala. “ate, we’re going ooouuut!” nagulat lang ako at napasigaw ng shutap!! pero d nila ako tinigilan hanggat hindi ako nakakabangon sa pagkakahimlay ko. syet! nananaginip pa ako eh. nagbihis ako. nagpunta kame sa cheap shot enchanted kingdom bahrain version. pero sa sandaling andum kme ng sampu sa pamilya ko. nagenjoy naman ako. sa pagsakay sa roller coaster na asa ibabaw ng tubig at anchor’s away. un lang d ko na kaya ang stress. matapos kame kumain ng popcorn at magpaikot-ikot at magpikchur pikchur. kumain na kame sa dairy queen ang pinakamalapit sa liblib naming pinang-galingan. kumain tumira lang ako ng vanilla shake at ilang subo ng salad. kase nararamdaman ko lang na dapat di ako kumain dahil mukang lalakad kami ni sugar..aww sugar..baka ako langgamin.

at tamanga ang hinala ko, pag hatid ko sa bahay ng pamilya ko, andun c sugar, umalis kami at naghanap ng kakainan. at ang maswerteng establishementong un ay ang bam-bu resto. nagenjoy kame sa halangang BD13.800++ per head, mahal pero sulit eat all you can kase! bwahahah! eto ang listahan ng kinain namin.

Appetizers:

Prawn Toast
minched fresh prawn served on toast topped with sesame seed

Spring Roll
home made filled with fresh vegetables

Steamed Dumpling
home made dumpling filled with minched chicken & prawn

Prawn Tempura
Japanese style battered jumbo prawn

Shao Lum Pao
home made pork dumpling

Shao Mai
light steamed chicken & prawn dumpling

Minched Prawn Balls
home made minched, seasoned prawn balls, deep fried

Lions Head
home made minched pork balls, deep fried

Fried Wanton
home made chicken wanton, deep fried
Main Menu:

Oyster
pork

Sizzling Szechuan
beef

Tofu in Oyster sauce

Spicy Mixed Noodle
chicken, beef & prawn

Garlic Fried
Dessert:

Fried Ice Cream

—-

Alam ko parang patay guto lang. pero hanggang appetizer lang ang kinaya ko. tapos tumalon nako sa dessert. hindi ko na talaga kinaya kahit sabayan ko pa ng yosi ang pagnguya. mamamatay ako sa kabusugan. hinugasan ko yan ng isang basong pineapple juice habang si sugar? dalawang bote ng red wine. fucking drunk. ahahha. gigimik pa sana kami kaya lang, puno ang parking. syet. umuwi nalang kami at alam nyo na ang sumunod…at kahit alam kong eto na dapat maghari ang maduduming isip ninyo pero kinalulungkot ko, ang sumunod na pangyayari ay taliwas sa alam kong gusto nyong mabasa. bwahahah. sumuka lang naman si sugar, punyeta lang. excited pa naman ako. ahahah! kaya mas minabuti ko pang matulog at may pasok ako kinabukasan. ganon pa man, masaya ako at nakasama ko ang pamilya ko at ang mahal ko sa espesyal na araw na ito. happy balemtimes sa lahat! mwaaah!

P.S. Saka na ang pektyur. d pa nalilipat.

USING ONLY ONE WORD! It’s not as easy as you might think! Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It’s really hard to only use one word answers. Be sure to tag the person you received it from!

1. Where is your cell phone? table

2. Your significant other? home

3. Your hair? brolk (brown nd black)

4. Your mother? home

5. Your father? sleeping

6. Your favorite? sleep

7. Your dream last night? nada

8. Your favorite drink? coffee

9. Your dream/goal? success

10. What room you are in? office

11. Your hobby? magpuyat

12. Your fear? falling

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? far away

14. Where were you last night? bambu

15. Something that you aren’t? sexy (syet)

16. Muffins? double chocolate (aww)

17. Wish list item? wii

18. Where you grew up? pasig

19. Last thing you did? drink

20. What are you wearing? blouse

21. Your TV? room

22. Your pets? wala

23. Friends? nagkalat

24. Your life? normal

25. Your mood? lazy

26. Missing someone? yes

27. Car? CRV

28. Something you’re not wearing? earrings

29. Your favorite store? wala

30. Your favorite color? black

33. When is the last time you laughed? kagabi

34. Last time you cried? last night

35. Who will resend this? ewan

36. One place that I go to over and over? CR

37. One person who emails me regularly? odesk

38. My favorite place to eat? ewan

—-

tried answering na 1 word lang..ang kinalabasan? jologs! ahahah

im tagging anyone who read this. gud luck!

lumipas na ang kaarawan ko, pasko, at bagong taon. walang nangyari. stakap parin ako! pakinsyet..walang pagunlad. inaantok nako.

**habang asa grocery

wtf: miss, miss san ka ngwowork?

me: ha? ah (ngiisip kilala ko ba ito) sa Balexco…

wtf: ahhh…sino kasama mo?

me: (taenang papansin to ah) asawa ko!! (sabay layas)
—-

***nagaantay ng magbubukas ng gate kse wala akong susi

arabong wtf: (lumapit) hi you want a ride

me: no!

arabong wtf: you want to come with me

me: No! (iritated)

arabong wtf: i will pay you

me: putangina ka, i dont need your money i have a good job

arabong wtf: its ok, you will have fun

me: N-O!! fuck it! go!

arabong wtf: walks away

*** taenang mga hayop na ito…andami ko na ngang dala dalang plastik…

Being an emo, I know, is natural. But I despise it. It brings too much drama in life that makes it no longer believable. But now I have come to realize that having an “emo time” is healthy. I need it badly, I wanted to poke my eyes so tears may drop, a single drop can maybe cause some of my emotional burdens to lighten, maybe.

I’m a person who never expresses feelings well, if ever I do, I do it with violence. I hit a person when I want to say “I care”, I pull their hair to say “You look fab today”, I pinch to say “I love you”. I’m not into mushy stuff, I loathe it, for me (again, for me) cheesiness, well more than normal of cheesiness, is not truthful, not believable.

“Happily ever after” does not exist, or maybe it does, but not to me. Excuse me for not being clear as to what I really want to blog or to say. Is it my emo-ness, bitterness, or just my plain heartache that I don’t know how to express?

Open letter….

To you,

I have loved you whole-heartedly, I gave you everything my heart can offer, and maybe more than what is necessary, more than what is reasonably acceptable. In many separate instances that I gave you up, one cold sorry is all I needed, to swallow my pride back. Now, I have this feeling that I can not understand. I’m trying to command my eyes to cry, my lips to scream, and my hands to fight. But now, the feeling is not anything alike, I just want to sit and think and (hopefully) cry. To at least ease, this feeling, the feeling that I couldn’t fathom, maybe no one could. Maybe I had enough tears cried, screams heard, and fights won. Now the non-identifiable thing part of me says enough, my heart argues and so is my brain.

Anytime, I may explode, due to my internal organs not working together. Taking different sides they do. That’s maybe the reason I am unaware of this feeling.

I gave you my all, my world, and me as a whole. I did those not expecting anything in return, or maybe I did but I shouldn’t. I could not ask you to return anything, not even half or a fraction of what I gave, it’s not tangible anyway. I’m sorry if all these were not enough, i already offered more than i should. I will understand if you try to find it somewhere or to someone who can present you what you need, what you want, that i lack of.

I will miss you if I decided to fully get rid of everything that we have. IF.

ayreen

P.S.

Like the line in the movie Kill Bill goes “Revenge is a dish that is best served cold”. I will get there my darling. You may not have returned any but surely I will take it all back plus interests.

noong bata pa ako akala ko normal ako, pero ngayon napagtanto ko mali ako. bakit kasi ginagawa ko to noon.

* binibilang kung ilang piraso ang laman ng isang supot ng m&ms, pinagsasama-sama ko ang magkakakulay at alam ko ang bilang ng red, blue, green, yellow, brown, at iba pang kulay na nasa m&ms. kabisado ko un. inuuna ko kainin ang brown palaging huli ang grupo ng red. ewan ko kung  bakit.

* madami din akong laruan noong bata ako. katabi ko sila matulog, kumain, at maglaro. oo katabi ko lang sila pag naglalaro ako. kasi di ko sila tinatnggal sa kahon. di tulad ng ibang bata halos buksan na ang kahon kahit di pa bayad, ako…kabaligtaran. gusto ko lang silang naka stock na parang pyramid sa tabi ko. pag tapos ko maglaro ng buhangin at dahon, itatabi ko na sila.

* nangolekta rin ako ng stationary paper. iba-ibang hugis, kulay at disenyo. may scented at di scented. may malaki at makliit. may binibili may binibigay. inipon ko un, ang dami dami. hanggang high school dala dala ko cya, di ko nagamit hanggang maging kulay yellow na ang papel sa kalumaan, nagsawa ako, ngayon di ko na alam kung nasan sila.

* marami din akong musical instruments. una ay organ, ginastosan pako ng lolo ko matuto lang ako magpiano. sabi ng instructor ko i am a fast learner, para akong genius sa music. pero ang catch doon linggo linggo may amnesia ako. ang husay ko sa session na ito, expired na next session. in short, nalimutan ko na ulit…so ulit nanaman. hanggang sa umayaw na ako ng tuluyan. pangalawa ay ang gitara, nagpabili pa ako sa tatay ko, ang mahal lang sa pagkakatanda ko. pero nag ala-brattinela ako hanggang sa makuha ko siya, ang dami ko lang song hits, pero naisip ko…masyadong maliit ang kamay ko, hindi abot ng mga daliri ko ang chords. syempre palusot ko lang yan. sa totoong buhay di lang talaga ako natuto. pangatlo, flute. oo ng flute ako! na inspire ako dahil ang kalolololohan ko ay napagalamang kong professional saxophone player. ang astig lang diba? kaya bilang pasimula, flute muna ako, pero tulad ng dalawang nauna, kabag lang ang inabot ko. ngayon? nagkakasya nalang ako sa pagkanta-kanta……sa banyo.

* pero ang pinaka paborito ko sa lahat ang koleksyon ko ng lapis. mechanical pencil, bensia, at mongol (lahat ng number). hindi lang apat o lima ang pencil cases ko, bukod pa dyan ang mga lapis na nasa kahon pa. pero ang di ko alam sa saltik ng kukote ko, kung bakit nagtitiis ako sa lapis na mas maliit pa sa hinliliit ko. duduguin na ang kamay ko, pero ayoko talagang mabawasan ang bala ng mechanical pensil ko, mapudpod ang bensia ko, o tasahan ang mongol ko. watta creepy wirdo!

ngayon naiisip ko, ugali ko pala talaga ang panghawakan ang kinaugalian, bagay, o kahit ano pa man na natutunan ko ng yakapin. hirap akong bitawan ang mga bagay na natutunan ko ng mahalin…ng tunay.

I skipped blogging for a long time, my last two blogs were merely posted to give everyone (i mean the 7 or 8 people) who visit my little, fucked up, senseless, space in the blogosphere. i will tell you what had happened in my boring life this past few weeks. (in no paricular order)

UPDATE 1.

I got a new phone! Nokia E71, i have been using non-nokia phones lately, samsung, motorola, and sony ericsson. So i have decided to get this nokia E71 naman, for a change, and so far i am totally loving it. It has GPS, wifi, bluetooth, 3G, etc. etc. etc. In short, compact communicator ang arrive nya.

nokia E71

I planned on having an “unboxing the E71 blog” pero i was too excited to used it sa shop plang nilagay ko na ang sim card ko…kiber! And this is the first pic taken.

alam kong masagwa, wag nang pansinin! ahahah! kadiri lang pero keri na yan!

UPDATE 2.

I was very stupid to had an accident, self destruction mode nanaman ako. I was trying to get something in my storage room sa office. Hindi ako pala-utos sa office so i didn’t bother calling the maintenance people or the janitors, ayun nalaglag ako, pahkalag lag ko, nalaglag pako ulit..ahahah! ang gulo lang. ayun! i suffered bruises and major back pains. instant 2 and a half days off ako. leche lang diba?!

UPDATE 3.

Finally, may bagong bukas na na mall sa bahrain. We don’t have to settle in the old malls na wala naman masyadong kagandahan. Wala parin tatalo sa SM, glorietta, at kahit plaza fair o isettan pa yan! the best parin ang philippine malls. Pero now, may nag-open na bago bahrain city center mall! bongang-bonga!! puro signature botiques, Salvatore Ferragamo, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Kenneth Cole, Virgin, Debenhams, at kung ano ano pa. In short, window shopping lang ako! bwahahah!

Meron din doong in-doors water sports something, you can actually ride jetski! Oh yeah! im gonna try that for sure! Ginaya nila ang concept sa Dubai na meron naman in-door snow na pwedeng pwede kang mg ski.

Meron din silang mall entertainment. May naghaharp sa gitna ng mall at may roaming around na mascot, d ko alam ang tawag kaya mascot nalang. Nagpapicture ako… wahahah! ang jologs lang pero go parin.

me, papa, and the white alien

me and the alien. he was trying to scare me…haha..try harder alien na maputla

the black alien and the pink fairy ata sya!

May TGIFridays na rin kaya natuwa naman ako. Kaya ni-treat ko si papa at si owen doon. Nakalimutan kong magpicture! Di ko tuloy napicturan ang puro taba na steak ni papa, kya nagpalit nalang kme kase bawal sa kanya, Potah lang! Kaya eto nalang ang pinicturan ko.

Ang bill. Bow! BD 29.975 + BD1 (tip) = BD 30.975 = US$ 82.20 = Php 3,920.94 (sa palitan na 47.7 ngyon). Haayy.. nakaskas nanaman ang card ko! Sana sa KFC ko nalang kayo nilibre, umulan pa sana ng manok…joke! Anyway, it was all worth it.

UPDATE 4.

Dahil ramadan season nung september, lahat ng timings ng stores, shops, restaurants, salons, etc ay abnormal. kaya ng foot spa ako magisa. eto ang kinahantungan..nasugat ang paa ko. ahahahhaha!!!

Ayan, ang mala-luya kong paa. ung red spot sa gitna, naging sugat at ngpeklat na sya ngayon. ahahah!!!

UPDATE 5. Huli sa araw na ito kase tinatamad nako.

Nanalo kame ni owen ng 1 YEAR SUPPLY ng Krispy Kreme donuts!! yahooooo! ahahah! Pumila kami ng anim na oras! Yep! 6 hours! para sa isang kahong donut sa isang linggo ng isang buong taon! yum! yum!

Sa pila, na kami kumain, natulog (oo nakatulog ako habang nakaupo), ngdaldalan, at muntik muntikan ng sumuko…mabuti nalang, ngtiis tiis kme ni owen…

Ayan, nkakatamad na mgupload ng pictures. Nakakahiya talagang pumila, taena! Nakikita ka ng lahat! Pero kiber! Aw!

Hanggang dito nalang muna ang update ko..may sakit kase ako at mukang mabibinat ako lalo kaka-internet. Kaya paalam muna! =P

salamat ka napakaraming nagbasa at tumugon sa hiling ko…napakadami nyo… sa sobrang dami, feeling ko sikat na sikat ako… salamat sa inyong dalawa, aiza at geni, ahahaha! andami noh?! more than one is many mga pakinshet!